Relationships: Help me vs. Heal me
Sometimes we get into relationships not realizing the very things we want from our partner come from the areas of our life where we were hurt.
Maybe you lacked protection as a child and now someone standing up for you is super important.
Maybe you struggled to feel seen or validated, so now you need a lot of validation from your partner.
Maybe you struggled with friendships and now you want your partner to be your everything but they need a lot of independence.
Maybe you weren’t trusted and now you hate being questioned.
Whatever it may be, we have to be careful of not placing the responsibility of healing these wounds on our partner.
Once we can identify that the wound belongs to us, we can ask our partner to help us in that area. But if we blame or criticize them for making us feel how we felt as a child, we push away the very connection and repair we long for.
It’s also important to note that if you have been unconscious about the places where you hold pain, you might have unconsciously picked a partner that will bring up the painful feelings and may struggle to meet your needs because of their own wounds.
With support and willingness of both parties to take 100% responsibility for themselves and for the relationship change can happen.
If you aren’t in a relationship it’s important to examine the past and get clear on how you were hurt in your past so you can 1) own your own stuff and 2) consciously pick a partner that is more likely to HELP you heal.
Thank You!
I hope you found this message helpful. If you’re interested in learning how to unpack your feelings, Let’s dive deeper!
~ Saudia
Life Redefined Healing Therapists in Friendswood TX are here to help. Available for Telemental Health Sessions nationwide or in person.
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