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Are you suffering from mental depression? The therapy sessions prove effective because an expert uses different treatment methods and techniques.
Try and approach Life Redefined expert team. You need to hire a licensed therapist who is well trained to offer the right treatment procedure.
You have Therapy for Teenage Depression and Anxiety near me options online. You will come across different treatment procedures that are effective.
Depression is one of the conditions that involve behavior changes in the individual. Therapy for adolescent depression can be the right alternative. The condition could be on account of different factors. Experts will understand these factors. They suggest treatment that works best.
The expert will focus on the ideas and events that can trigger this condition in your case. Once the events have been identified then the expert will try and regain your natural mental status.
An expert will combine different types of therapy procedures. The moment you search for a therapist and life coach near me options, you need to focus on the type of treatment they will offer.
A professional therapist will generally offer individual or group sessions to the patients in some cases they may also recommend couples sessions. The type of sessions offered will depend on the mental conditions you are facing.
Depression is a condition that may only arise if you are not stable mentally. This is where the therapist proves more helpful. An expert therapist will always try and identify the real source that can trigger this condition in an individual.
During the entire treatment procedure, the expert will maintain a full journal and notes related to the sources. Therapy for teenage depression and anxiety near me will work best. You can search online or near your location.
In any case, patients who suffer from depression often face negative behavior trends. They may tend to collect more negative thoughts in their mind.
Consult Therapy for Adolescent Depression experts. He will help cure your negative feelings. The therapist will help in restructuring the priorities and emphasize more on maintaining a positive mental attitude.
Recreational activities are useful. They help comfort your mental status. These activities can be in various forms. They can be implemented in the form of physical activities and music.
By consulting therapists and life coach near me experts, you can benefit from recreational activities. These activities are more result-oriented for patients. You can collect details online as well.
If an individual faces such conditions, then his or her communication skills are affected. An expert therapist will help these patients improve their communication skills. They will focus on implementing different activities including social gatherings. In the case of couples therapy, they will offer family meetings very often. These prove more effective during the treatment.
Some struggle tremendously with solitude. If you’re used to more human contact than you’ve been receiving lately, you know that it can be uncomfortable.
HUMANS ARE SOCIAL CREATURES.
Historically, we’re not well-equipped to conquer the world alone. We are biologically wired to connect! The ability to survive alone is a recent phenomenon. There!s a part of you that needs to be around others.
Manage your isolation in a healthy manner with these strategies…
You can still interact with people from all over the world, even if the opportunities to leave your home are very limited. Consider phone or video chat. Forums, social media websites, and various cell phone apps make it possible to stay in contact with others.
One great thing you can do alone that!s hard to do well with others is read. If you can read this article, you have access to millions of books online. Try reading something you would!t normally consider reading. It!s a great way to shake things up.
There!s a never-ending supply of free music available to you. You can find nearly any song you want and listen to it as many times as you like. Feel free to dance while you’re at it. No one is watching.
Call up a friend and meet at the park. Keep your distance but have a nice chat. You can even set up a few chairs in your driveway and enjoy the day together. A few snacks and beverages can go a long way.
If you’re stuck at home, it!s important to maintain some semblance of a schedule. Go to bed at the same time each night. Keep up with your personal grooming. Plan out your chores. Eat on a schedule. Most human beings struggle when they have unlimited time and little structure.
Your body still needs to move, breathe heavily, and sweat a little. Find ways to work out without leaving your home. There are plenty of workout videos you can stream to your television set. Jump rope in the driveway. Fill your wheelbarrow up with dirt and take a stroll. Do some sit-ups.
Get out in the sun and grow some food. You!ll eat better, save some money, and get a fair amount of exercise. You!ll prove to yourself that life can!t be stopped. As a bonus, children love gardens.
The internet is overflowing with free and inexpensive courses. You could learn to speak Mandarin, how to build a website, or how to maintain your motorcycle. There is a course for whatever you want to learn. What interests you? Find a way to explore that interest.
There are puppies, kittens, birds, reptiles, and fish being born each day that need a home. If you already have a pet, consider spending more time with it. It might be time to teach your dog to roll over or to fetch your slippers.
As you can see, there are many things you can do without others that are enjoyable and meaningful.
There are also many ways to interact with others, even if you can!t share a confined space with them. Six feet isn’t that much to overcome if you’re flexible and creative! Remember that others share your frustration. Things will eventually get back to normal.
And if you need added support, we are here for you! Here at Life Redefined, we offer Individual Therapy Services, couple therapy services, and family therapy services. We would be honored to be a part of your journey toward feeling more connected to yourself and others.
Thank You!
“Self-care is a vital part of staying healthy and maintaining wellness.” Andrea R. Johnson holistic Therapist in Pearland TX
The Toilet Seat
Let’s face it. Living with another person is hard. Even in college with roommates, we got a little taste. Maybe Rachel or James never paid their portion of the rent on time, or maybe they always left dirty dishes in the sink, forcing others to clean up after them.
And you all thought, how crummy is that or maybe “can they really be that clueless?” In any case, when the time came to renew your lease with Rachel or James, the conversation probably looked something like an episode of the original Survivor show when they were voted off the island. Sorry, so-and-so, but we’re sick and tired of reminding you how to be a decent and responsible member of society. Well, fast forward to marriage, and sadly not much has changed, except now it’s men and women living together. Men generally have a propensity to leave their projects lying around, while a woman’s restroom area might look like a cosmetic counter at Macy’s. In both cases, it’s just normal until one of you gets tired of asking politely for them to please (through gritted teeth) put things where they belong. These seemingly trivial ins and outs of relationships make for good memes and even good fodder for sitcoms, mostly because we can all relate, but in real life, let’s face it. It gets a little old.
I use the toilet seat as the example, not because I’m making light of people’s problems, yours included. But I’m using it to highlight this principle. Whether the toilet seat is left up or down, whether the toilet paper goes over or under (it’s over by the way), the fact is none of these things is an insurmountable obstacle to using the toilet. If you really gotta go, flip the seat up or down, and I’m sure you can manage the toilet roll mechanism. The reason these things are so annoying is that they are representative of something bigger, something deeper.
Perhaps the time spent at golf is upsetting because of a lack in the relationship. Perhaps, the repeated requests to watch spending isn’t really about that $5 cup of coffee breaking the bank. So then what is it really about, and how can we move from the topic of discussion to the meat of the matter?
Also Read:- https://liferedefinedhealing.com/discover-the-power-of-self-care-to-fight-stress/
As you can imagine, I’ve seen couples for dozens of reasons. Some are fighting to overspend. Others are fighting over not getting enough help with the kids or housework. Still, others are fighting over nickel and dime issues like how much time they spend on their hobbies, or maybe it’s on social media. And whether it’s finances, the in-laws, or frequency of sex, I can say in almost all the cases emphatically that the thing is not the thing.
When I was younger, much younger, cereal boxes used to come with hidden toys for kids. One of my favorite surprises was the special spy decoder lenses. They were usually red-tinted, and the goal was to help you ‘decode’ the hidden spy message on the back of the cereal box. And here’s what I want to highlight; the message was always there. The issue is it was hidden,
usually among a jumble of other shapes and misinformation. However, once you placed the decoder lens over the image, there it was, plain as day. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be able to help couples see this clearly through all the jumbled emotion and misinformation. In fact, one of the biggest services that I believe I provide as a couples therapist is acting as a sort of translator, a decoder if you will. I get to
see couples in front of me, wrought with emotion, oftentimes bickering or arguing in front of me or recounting some instance of miscommunication between them in the last week. And almost every single time, both people feel like they’ve made themselves clear about why they’re hurt or upset, but conversely, they seem to be just as confused as to what their partner needs or wants. Many times, I have to run through the event with them play-by-play, if you will, pausing here or there to help them decode the missed messages that both of them are sending.
We must move from the topic of discussion to the meat of the matter.
JOSHUA CASTRO, LPC
With folks being confined to their homes, and unable to maintain their normal routines, there is a global heightening of anxiety and extreme isolation. Now more than ever, improving and/or maintaining our mental health is an urgent matter. I know firsthand how hard therapists all over the country are working to ensure that their current clients and new clients have access to these must needed services.
What is Telemental Health?
Telemental health is the provision of remote mental health services (typically done via video. but can also be provided through text, email, or telephone.)by psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, counselors, and marriage and family therapists. Historically, the platforms that services are provided on, had to be HIPAA compliant. Given the sudden halt to services due to the Covid-19 pandemic, associations, and insurance panels have allowed more flexibility to the platforms that therapy can be provided on. What that means for you, is that sessions can be conducted on platforms such as FaceTime, Google Hangouts, and Skype. in the form of online counseling for depression. Your therapist will provide you with an informed consent discussing the limits, to confidentiality when sessions are conducted on a non- HIPPA compliant platform in addition to other logistics that will ensure a productive therapy session.
Who can receive Telemental Health Services?
The short answer to this is Everyone. You can be an existing client or a new client. You can be seen as an individual or as a couple or family. There can even be group sessions provided using this medium. In my own practice, I have used video sessions for individual therapy and couple’s therapy, who require online counseling for depression, although it may take some getting used to, everyone adjusts a few minutes and the sessions deliver the same value as when they are face to face.
Why should you try out Telemental health?
The reality is the whole world stands in a place of uncertainty. Uncertainty about our health, our finances, and our futures. This level of uncertainty can spiral someone into a very unhealthy space. Additionally, there’s no playbook for surviving a pandemic so we are all novices at this. Psychological counseling Having a space that is carved out to process feelings and learn healthy coping is essential. There is a multitude of positive coping strategies that can be implemented, resulting in emerging from this devastating time more resilient than when you entered it. There are equally a number of unhealthy and destructive ways to get through this Pandemic. its helpful in online counseling for depression. We do not have control of much of our external world, which speaks to the importance of understanding and managing our internal world even more. Therapy is the space to learn how to do just that.
Signs that you may benefit from continuing or starting therapy via Telemental Health.
I believe that we all can use mental health services as I view therapy as another form of preventative health care, however, if you are experiencing any of the following symptoms or exhibiting these behaviors, I would recommend that you 1) not cancel your sessions with your current therapist or 2) Find a therapist now that is offering telehealth services.
1. Extreme isolation
2. Increased Anxiety
3. Inability to manage negative thoughts
4. Constantly checking the news.
5. Soothing with unhealthy foods or alcohol
6. Overwhelm
7. Inability to sleep or sleeping too much
8. Irritability/anger outburst
If you are uncomfortable with the idea of video therapy, I would highly encourage you to try it out at least a couple of times before writing it off completely. Many people have been pleasantly surprised by the experience and appreciate its convenience of it. Imagine a couple’s therapy without having to find a babysitter! (Post kids’ bedtime of course). Just like traditional face-to-face sessions, you as a client have the right to try out as many therapists as needed until you find a good fit.
Lastly, keep in mind that most private practice therapists are also small business owners, they depend on their clients showing up to sustain their livelihood as well. Please keep that in mind before you cancel your session. In this season we all need to support each other.
How to find a Telehealth Therapist
Honestly, most therapists, like myself, have either exclusively gone to telemental health services or have it as an option. I would recommend looking at Psychology Today, entering your zip code, and finding a clinician in your area that matches your needs. Many have done a COVID-19 update that will let you know if they have taken sessions online. Also, if you think that you will continue with the telemental health post-Pandemic, you can use any therapist licensed in your state also find online counseling for depression to navigate this tumultuous time we have to step up our mental, physical, and spiritual health. I encourage everyone to utilize all of the resources available to them.
Sending you all so much love and light!
Scheduling your Telemental Health Visit is Easy! Click here to schedule Today!
SELF-CARE TO FIGHT STRESS
ANDREA R. JOHNSON
Chronic stress and anxiety can wear you out. However, self-care can be a powerful remedy that restores your mind and body.
Try these self-care techniques to find relief for your stress:
Also Read:- https://liferedefinedhealing.com/10-natural-ways-to-reduce-stress/
As your life changes, your self-care habits will also change. You might find that oatmeal for breakfast starts causing stomachaches, or injuries that prevent you from exercising every day. Self-care can come from multiple channels. You can change things up and still find success.
Thank You!
“Self-care is a vital part of staying healthy and maintaining wellness.” Andrea R. Johnson
Depression and anxiety are a type of illness that can destroy any relationship. These days it is a common problem among most couples. Many love relation gets destroyed when this illness goes out of hand. Timely family therapy is the only way to cure this illness. This type of family problem is not limited to husband and wife only, any family members especially teenagers often suffer from this issue. Family Adolescent Counseling Services can ease these problems without any medicine. A little time with them can resolve your family problem.
Where can I find a family therapist?
The Friendswood Center for Couples & Families is a good place where you can get this therapy. The wellness coach or the therapist will listen to all of your problems and guide you in the right direction for improvement. After the session, you will find it refreshing and joyful.
Most of these sessions of Family & Couple Therapy Services continue for 45 minutes to 1 hour. So, you get plenty of time to discuss your problem with the therapist. Here you get a comfortable and relaxing environment for the discussion. Whatever you say in this discussion will remain confidential between you are your therapist.
When you need a family therapist?
You might need a family therapist if it comes to your notice that your family life is not pleasant enough. Most couples need it when a regular quarrel occurs between husband and wife. Or children become irresponsible to their parents. Here are some ways a family therapist improves your life.
• Help maintain a balance between business and personal life
• Enhance marital relationship
• Mentally prepare you for weight loss goals
• Help you face your fear and depression
Pearland Family Counseling does not prefer to use medicine for treatment. Instead, their word of virtue helps the family recover from their problem.
Will I be considered a mental patient if I take the service?
No, Family Adolescent Counseling Services are for normal people who are struggling with a regular family issue. This health institute does not run the mental asylum. Hence, no one will consider you a mental patient if you go there for family therapy.
Many successful and well-established people visit this institute without any fear of social stigma. Here the therapist keeps the discussion private and never disclose it to other people. So, you can pour your heart in front of the therapist without any fear.
How much time do I need to give for family therapy?
The family therapy session does not get over in a day. You need to spend a couple of days in small sessions. Most couples find 12 to 16 sessions enough to resolve their problem. According to your requirement, you can request Family & Couple Therapy Services to increase or decrease sessions.
Whether you believe it or not, absurd amounts of stress in the work field are enhancing depression and anxiety in every family. Pearland Family Counseling can help you maintain a work-life balance. So, you can have a happy family.
We have experienced therapists who are taking sessions for individuals, Family & Couples. Our Services serve the area of Pearland, TX, and its surrounding community. Our team of therapists is trying to give you a better present and future with their experiences.
Book an appointment at https://liferedefinedhealing.com/ or
follow Life Redefined Healing Therapy Services on Instagram
Stress is something that affects everyone. Stress does serve a purpose, and there’s even such a thing as good stress. However, when you feel like your stress is getting out of hand, the best thing you can do for your body is to look for natural stress relievers.
Practice yoga and meditation. Yoga and meditation are ancient arts that have been proven to work. They can be practiced separately or together. When you connect the mind, body, and spirit in a healthy, peaceful fashion you feel more relaxed and rejuvenated.
Enjoy the benefits of green tea. Green tea is a natural herb that you can drink or take in capsule form. It’s loaded with beneficial antioxidants to help you achieve a healthy lifestyle. It’s a natural stress reliever and helps boost metabolism to energize you. It may even help with weight loss.
Go for a walk. Many people think that going for a walk is only good for your physical fitness. However, walking can benefit you spiritually and mentally as well. Staying even moderately active increases oxygen levels in your brain, which also improves your mental state. Plus, a 20-minute walk gives your mind a chance to reflect and rejuvenate.
Keep a diary. Keeping a diary can help you unload your thoughts in a private manner. You have the benefits of knowing that your secrets are safe and you can still vent in the process. Venting on paper just might prove to be a great stress reliever.
Try aromatherapy. Many herbs can be used in aromatherapy to calm you in a natural way. Try lavender, rosemary, or peppermint for some popular choices.
Also Read:- https://liferedefinedhealing.com/why-knowing-your-attachment-style-is-a-game-changer-for-couples-conflicts/
Get a full body massage. A massage is a great way to relax your muscles. It also helps to get the blood flowing properly throughout the body, which naturally reduces stress.
Listen to music. You may want to try some traditional relaxing music such as classical or world music. However, everyone is different, so experiment with different types of music that you might find relaxing.
Use stress-reducing herbs. Herbs are affordable, natural, and a great way to relieve your stress Online Counselling for Depression. There are many herbs that have been known to promote calmness and overall feelings of well-being. Some of them include chamomile and St. John’s Wort.
Take a warm bath. Taking a warm bath is beneficial to your body and mind. The warmth will help your body relax while the peaceful time to yourself will help you achieve a balanced mindset.
Do something funny. The saying “laughter is the best medicine” is no joke! Laughing can definitely help you to relax and therefore reduce stress. Do something you personally find funny, like going to a comedy show or hanging out with a good friend.
You’ll soon find that there are endless possibilities for natural ways of reducing your stress. Your job will be to find out what works best for you personally. As long as you take time out of each day to take a break and unwind, you’ll be well on your way to reducing your stress.
Thank You!
I hope you found this list helpful for supporting you during stressful times in your life. I’d love to hear about it! Come tell me what’s helpful to you at
Saudia Turney
Attachment styles are how we connect to people. In childhood, we develop these ways of connecting based on how our caregivers interacted with us. These patterns of connecting exist from cradle to grave and greatly impact our adult relationships. If you have ever wondered why conflict never gets resolved, or you feel like there’s more and more distance between you and your partner, attachment triggers may be at play.
Attachment theory originated from the work of John Bowlby and later on Mary Ainsworth. Bowlby defined attachment as “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” Our desire to connect is wired in our DNA, and if you grew up with a caregiver that was attentive to your needs and provided a consistently safe and nurturing environment your ability to connect and maintain a healthy relationship in adulthood is more likely.
There are 4 main attachment types that have been identified; Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized.
As a Child: You had a caregiver that responded to your needs, provided a safe and predictable environment and communicated to you that your wants and needs were important. You felt safe and cared for in relationships with others and developed the lens that people are good and safe.
As an Adult: You desire closeness and generally feel good in relationships. You are comfortable with intimacy and don’t avoid connection or become overly clingy. You feel comfortable asking for help and getting support from others.
As a Child: You had a caregiver that was unpredictable in their responses. At times they were attentive and nurturing, at other times they were insensitive or unavailable. You never knew what “type” of parent you were going to get, so as a way to get your needs met, you became overly clingy and desperate to be seen.
As an Adult: You crave closeness and love being in relationships but often feel that your partner does not desire to be as close as you would like. You tend to need a lot of reassurance that you are cared for. In times of conflict, distance makes you feel unsettled and anxious. You prefer to talk things out right away and need to know that the relationship is “good again” before you are at peace. You need a lot of communication that may be perceived as nagging or may be expressed through anger and yelling if you do not feel heard and validated. You may hear your partner say things like “I just need some space at times.” Your Biggest fear is being abandoned.
As a Child: This is the least common and most challenging of the attachment styles. Disorganized attachment is believed to develop when a child grows to experience or witnessing abuse at the hands of a caregiver. Love and pain are intermingled which causes deep confusion when it comes to where to turn for support and love. This child exhibits puzzling behaviors such as crying for a parent but then hitting than when they show up.
As an Adult: You are high on avoidance and low on anxiety. You tend to be uncomfortable with closeness and put a high value on your privacy and independence. You struggle with asking for help and communicating your needs. In times of conflict, you get flooded with emotions and tend to shut down. You may come across as uncaring and cold. It oftentimes feels like partners are trying to invade your space. Your biggest fear is rejection.
As a Child: You had a caregiver that wasn’t attuned to your needs at all. They were distant, cold, or unavailable. This could result from a caregiver that was absent due to work, addiction, depression or anything else in between. You learned that you had to take care of your own needs and that people were not to be depended on. You felt that your feelings didn’t matter which resulted in thinking that you didn’t matter.
As an Adult: You are high anxiety and high avoidance. You crave connection but then fear to be close. You want to feel loved but your anxiety, negative self- image and confusion make it hard for others to connect with you, which furthers your sense of loneliness and worthlessness. You may be overly attached and then become very suspicious and cut off communication with a partner. You get stuck in the dance of I want to be near you but I don’t trust you.
Can you see yourself in any of these descriptions? Or maybe you find that you hold bits and pieces of more than one. We all tend to have one primary way of connecting, however, we can also have pieces of more than one attachment style. You may also exhibit different ways of attaching depending on the partner that you are with. Although we all should strive to be securely attached, if you are not, that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Attachment triggers can be shifted when there is an awareness of when it shows up, and how to not go back into your default patterns of protecting yourself. Creating a safe relationship where there is an opportunity for vulnerability is key. Of equal importance is showing respect for space and the connection that you and your partner need. When you both are aware of your attachment needs and are willing to respond in a new (yet uncomfortable) way, you can make different moves that attune to each other’s needs in a way that fosters a secure bond. You calm the inner child that gets activated, respond from your adult self, and help each other heal.
If you are interested in finding out what your attachment style is, here is a link to a quiz:
https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/compatibility-quiz/
I also recommend the book ATTACHED by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A. for anyone that is in a relationship or ever plans to be.
Book an appointment at https://liferedefinedhealing.com/ or follow Life Redefined Healing Therapy Serives on Instagram
It’s completely natural to have conflict in all relationships. In fact, it’s inevitable, and we help couples through conflict in couples counseling regularly. The conflict even has positive aspects that offer opportunities for couple development, appreciation, and understanding. However, how couples manage conflict is what truly predicts the success or failure of the relationship.
Learning how to manage conflict in a couple of relationships is essential as there could be some conflicts that will never fully be resolved. Whether it’s due to personality differences or other fundamental differences, it’s common to have a few recurring conflicts that will never “go away,” which means managing them in a healthy way is key.
In a previous blog, we discussed the four communication styles that predict divorce, known as The Four Horsemen. If you missed it, you can find it here. Today, we will discuss the antidotes for The Four Horsemen, which is the first step in effectively managing conflict.
We know a complaint surrounds a specific behavior, while criticism attacks a person’s character. The antidote for criticism is to complain without blame, which can be done by using what’s known as a gentle start-up.
A gentle start-up typically beings with an “I” statement, and it’s used to express how you feel about something and what you need to happen. Beginning a sentence with “You” can seem to blame, so in efforts to avoid this, try asking yourself these 2 questions before you speak:
Criticism: “The clothes on the table have been there for 3 days! You’re so lazy and selfish! You never think of me or anyone in this family! You only care about yourself!”
Antidote: “I feel really overwhelmed by the clothes on the table, and I need them to put away. Can you put them away while I set the table for dinner?”
The Antidote starts with “I feel” and leads into “I need.” Furthermore, there is a bid that needs to be fulfilled. There is no blaming.
Contempt is displayed in statements coming from a position of moral superiority, and it is the greatest predictor of divorce.
Building a culture of appreciation and respect can begin with:
Small Things Often: Showing affection and expressing gratitude, respect, and appreciation for your partner on a regular basis will create a positive foundation in your relationship. This positive foundation will act as a buffer for negative feelings. Consistent, regular positive experiences within your relationship can be seen as “deposits” you make into your relationship bank account. When a negative experience, or a withdrawal, occurs, your relationship will stay “in the green” as long as the number of deposits you’ve made surpasses the number of withdrawals.
Defensiveness is self-protection in the form of righteous indignation used to ward off a perceived attack. While becoming defensive is typically a response to criticism, it doesn’t solve the conflict.
Defensiveness is equivalent to blaming your partner, which usually escalates the conflict further. Accepting responsibility, even for a small part of the conflict, can help move things toward resolution.
Defensiveness: “I know I said I’d stop at the store for groceries on my way home from work, but I was too tired, okay? I had a day full of meetings and you know how busy work is for me right now! Why didn’t you just go to the store?”
Antidote: “I was really tired after my day full of meetings, but you’re right. I should have gone to the store like I said I would. I will keep my word next time or call you to discuss alternative options.”
By taking responsibility, even while expressing that they had a tiring day at work, this partner begins the journey toward compromise.
Stonewalling is when someone completely withdraws from a conflict discussion due to feeling overwhelmed. The reaction to the emotional flooding is to shut down and disengage. Stonewalling puts couples under a lot of emotional pressure. Heart rates elevate, stress hormones are released, and a fight or flight response can be triggered.
Research shows that if couples take breaks during arguments, their heart rates have a chance to drop, and when they begin their discussion again, their interaction is more productive. Ultimately, they physiologically soothe themselves, allowing them to return to the discussion in a rational way.
he first step of self-soothing is to call a timeout:
“I feel overwhelmed. I need to take a break. Can we take 30 minutes to ourselves and then continuing talking?”
Your break should last at least 20 minutes so that your body can physiologically calm down. Try to avoid thoughts of righteous indignation (“I don’t have to put up with this!”) or innocent victimhood (“Why does he do this to me?”), and spend your time doing something soothing or distracting. Listening to music, reading, drawing, or exercise are all methods that can help you calm down.
Now that you know how to neutralize The Four Horsemen, you have the tools to manage conflict in your relationship. You just have to learn to use them! Couples therapy can help you hone these tools as you must call upon the antidotes as soon as you recognize one of the horsemen creeping in. This will help you and your partner build a healthy relationship for years to come!
Let us Help! Life Redefined Healing is a group of therapists in Pearland TX that specializes in holistic healing and Relationship and Marriage Counseling! Let’s connect!
Book an appointment with Life Redefined Healing Therapist Now! or follow Life Redefined Healing Therapy Serives on Instagram
What if we could predict, with 90 percent accuracy, whether or not your marriage will end just by assessing communication between you and your spouse? Thanks to John and Julie Gottman, we can.
The Gottmans’ research found that nearly 70 percent of conflicts in couple relationships are unresolvable, but how couples manage their conflicts could mean the difference between remaining together and separating.
Through observing married couples and looking at a range of factors surrounding communication, the results were staggering. There were 4 negative communication patterns that were common amongst the couples whose relationships ended in divorce; these patterns are known as The Four Horsemen.
Sound familiar? The Four Horsemen is a metaphor illustrating the apocalypse in the New Testament. These times of conquest, war, hunger, and ultimately, death, are representative of the communication styles that predict the end of a romantic relationship.
Offering a critique or voicing a complaint to your partner isn’t analogous with this first of the four horsemen, criticism. Critiques and complaints can be expressed in a loving, productive way, and they center on an issue outside of your partner’s being, like action or behavior. Criticism, on the other hand, is an ad hominem attack. In essence, you are dismantling your partner’s character.
Learning the difference between a complaint and a criticism is essential in efforts to protect your relationship:
Complaint: There’s still a pile of your clothes sitting on the kitchen table. I need you to put them away, please, so I can put dinner on the table for the family.
Criticism: The clothes on the table have been there for 3 days! You’re so lazy and selfish! You never think of me or anyone in this family! You only care about yourself!
Criticism can leave your partner feeling attacked, rejected, and wounded. Often times, couples then find themselves in an escalation pattern where criticism reappears more frequently and the intensity is greater, which, unfortunately, can lead to the other four horsemen communication styles, like contempt.
Contempt is the second horsemen and known as the single greatest predictor of divorce. This communication style includes mocking your partner with sarcasm and ridicule, calling them names, mimicking them, or using disrespectful body language, like eye-rolling. Contempt causes your partner to feel detested, insignificant, and worthless.
I know I said I’d stop at the store for groceries on my way home from work, but I was too tired, okay?! I had a day full of meetings, and you know how busy work is for me right now! Why didn’t you just go to the store?
While it’s reasonable to defend yourself when under attack, defensiveness will only escalate the conflict if your partner doesn’t back down. Offering excuses and blaming your partner doesn’t allow for healthy conflict management.
Defensiveness is the third horseman, and typically, it is a response to criticism. When we feel unfairly criticized or accused, we offer excuses, hoping our partner will back down, and furthermore, we blame our partner instead. This method is almost never successful because overall, it says we don’t take our partner’s concerns seriously, we don’t take responsibility for our mistakes, and we think our partner is actually the problem.
It goes even further than criticism, assuming a position of moral superiority over your partner. It sends the message that “I am better than you, and I don’t respect you.”
Ah, late again! SHOCKING! I don’t know why I expect an idiot like you to be able to tell time! Most 5-year-olds can tell the time better than you! I don’t have time for another child! You’re disgusting and pathetic! And you wonder why I never want to have sex with you!?
Contempt is the result of negative thoughts and feelings that have accumulated and have been simmering for an extended period of time, and it’s the most destructive of all of the four horsemen. It must be eliminated.
The fourth horseman is stonewalling. This response to contempt transpires when we withdraw or shut down. Rather than continuing interaction with our partner and confronting the issues, we, instead, turn away from our partner, act busy, or become engrossed in compulsive or distracting behaviors.
These evasive maneuvers are typically the result of becoming too overwhelmed to continue engaging. When we become physiologically flooded, we aren’t able to have a rational discussion with our partner.
While the presence of The Four Horsemen is a pretty solid predictor of divorce, there is so much hope for couples who are experiencing these communication styles within their relationship. It’s possible to learn better forms of communication and conflict resolution, and couples therapy is an ideal environment for these shifts to begin taking place. Learning the antidotes that combat these four horsemen is important, but that, my friends, is a topic for another blog. Stay tuned!
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